Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I understand Curling. That high.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
