i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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