I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
