Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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