He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
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I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
There's even glitter on my cock...
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