The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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