rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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