I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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