A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
