Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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