no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this just has baby written all over it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
