dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
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A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.