dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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