Joe is yelling at the trees again.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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