I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
