You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
