so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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