shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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