she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
