HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
