i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
