I accidentally had phone sex last night
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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