Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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