billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
