So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize