ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
MIDGETS
????
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
