mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
