just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
