Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
