She said her name was "party"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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