Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
