final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
