the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
