New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
