....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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