New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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