Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
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I just want nice things and good sex
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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