I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just invented taco cereal.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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