One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
