North Korea, Best Korea!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
