I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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