So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
