I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
