who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
