So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
