morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Drunk is a universal language darling
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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