if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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