I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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