so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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