Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
