Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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