Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
