I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
