I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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