So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
