then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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