youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
