he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
