My first STD was from a foam party
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
