On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We smell like vodka and hangover
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