Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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