I think my fart just growled at me.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
