If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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