well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
