i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
