We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
