He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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