I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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