I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
